Who do you love?

do you ever wonder if there’s someone out there who secretly admires you?  (and i’m not talking about a silly high school crush) i mean, do you think there are certain individuals who look at you and think that you have it made.  you have a great life, and they look upon you with awe and respect?

here’s my list of some Lucky People

1.  My cousin.  She’s married to a great guy, has a really good job, and has her head on straight.  It took her some time to get it right, but when she did, she became steadfast on her religion, and I suppose God blessed her life.  She is expecting a baby, due in November.  She’s stylish, loving, and has a huge heart.
2.  Another cousin of mine.  She has no worries.  Although I often worry about her because she has no fear of an Afterlife or any consequences to her actions, I can’t help but imagine the life she’s living.  She’s younger than I am, but is so carefree, and seems so happy because of it.  I feel like I am constantly wondering if what I’m doing is right or wrong, but she sets her own standards, so never has to worry.
3.  My sister-in-law.  She’s lived in California all of her life.  This was her year, she graduated from medical school, got accepted into a Residency program, and just got married to the best man I know.
4.  Yet another cousin of mine.  She’s married, with three amazing kids.  She’s a doctor with her own clinic.  Beautiful, hilarious, and has a british accent.
5. This girl that I have never met.  She is engaged to an amazing guy.  I wonder if she knows how lucky she is.
6. Lauren Conrad.  She’s living the life in LA; friends, fashion, parties.  Quite the glamorous lifestyle – one that I will never live.

okay, maybe the last one was just for kicks.  but i wouldn’t say i’m envious of these individuals, because i really think they deserve the life they’re living.  i think it just takes a lot of time and effort to get to the place that i want to be.  but honestly, do you think that no matter where you go in life, there is one point where you can say you are content?  as unfortunate as it is, i feel like i will always desire more.

summer..

today is june 19th.
june 19th, today is.

it’s summer. my brother got married last week. i am taking organic chemistry. i am living in the city. i began research today in the psychology dept. it’s safe to say that all is well, alhamd.
seattle was great, i’m bored of talking about it, considering i’ve spoken to just about everyone about it. similarly, the wedding was excellent. school is tough and i can’t get myself to work any harder than i am. it’s so hard to focus when the weather is gorgeous and my mind is elsewhere. upon discovering bittorrent, i’ve caught up on three seasons of one tree hill, watched several movies, and was even introduced to the entire first season of laguna beach. after watching laguna beach, might i add, i’ve constantly been dreaming of leaving chicago and heading somewhere beautiful. someplace that is always beautiful. and someplace near an ocean where you can smell the sea from your doorstep. yes, that’s what i want.

this photo was taken in seattle, on a cold, hilly, beautiful beach, surrounded by mountains on one side, and an emerald green forest, on the other. huge, thick pieces of driftwood covered the sand, but they’re conveniently hidden in the shadows.

i hope to live in southern california for some portion of my life. don’t ask me why, i just do.

in other news, i wish a medical receptionist position could fall from the sky and land in my lap. that would be ideal. my roommate and i walked the few blocks to lake michigan today and we spoke of our ideal husbands and relationships and love. is 20 too early to be married? don’t answer that.

michigan + two weddings this weekend. the weekend before my orgo final. joy.

It’s ALL Gummy!

Le Petit Prince

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always explaining things to them.

Love You Forever

Earlier today, I was assigned the job of cleaning out random things from my youngest sister’s room. I decided to start with her bookshelf, which was overflowing with books from four older siblings, as well as her own. As I was emptying the neglected ones into a big cardboard box, I came across “Love You Forever,” which reminded me of the beautiful morals that we learned as children, but tend to forget as time goes on. The story is about a mother who, as her son grows older, continues to sneak into his room after he’s asleep and sing him this song:

I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living
My baby you’ll be.

And at the end of the story, he comes and rocks his dying mother, and sings the same song, changing it to “As long as I’m living, My mommy you’ll be.”

Define “Greater Understanding”…

I detest writing conclusions. I really do.
Maybe it’s some psychological notion embedded within me that mocks my difficulty dealing with “closure” of anything. Although, at this point, I would like nothing more than to wash my hands free of this ridiculous essay on the ridiculous philosophical crap known as Existentialism.

If anyone wants my paper for reference, please do let me know. I am willing to share .
It’s in French, by the way.

Loss

” Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes around in another form. “

Rumi

Five Exams, Five days

” Sangloter “

J’aime cette mot.

Peut-être j’ai quelques choses dedans que je n’ose pas à me s’échapper.

The truth? ..

i am incredibly annoyed.
i hate when people are flaky, when they back out of agreements, or when you are left stressed with little or no help. or a combination of the three.
it’s quite possible that in the near future i will be roommate-less, and maybe soon-to-be apartment-less. (preferably the latter)
a little advance notice would have been greatly appreciated.

as a result of this, along with a few other past situations, i have come to the conclusion that i am highly unapproachable. not only to strangers, as i had come to accept in the past, but also to my nearest and dearest friends. because i am often open with my emotions and words, (i.e; blunt), i suppose one finds it difficult to confront me about something. my assumption is that this difficulty stems from fear of what i may say to this person’s face, or how i may react toward them. here’s the thing people: i keep it simple. i think what i say, i say what i feel. none of this fake business.
i do often restrain myself to avoid offense, but i tell no lies.